Self-Care vs. Societal Concerns

Recently, one of my mentees has been asking me about how you can balance taking care of yourself in the recovery process with all of the "real" pressures in life? Well, I typically don't do posts like this; but I will do one for her.

Here goes!

The Scenario: I am sick and incapacitated. I have a laundry list of things to do. I also have a variety of social commitments. Now what?

The Laundry List

• shower (it has been about 3 days since I washed my hair)
• put away laundry
• do more laundry
• find something to eat (everything looks like it will taste like cardboard)
• clean out my car (there are things growing in there and about 4 pairs of my daughters shoes)
• start reading the 4 chapters of counseling for my exam Tuesday
• start on my advanced statistics quiz which also happens to be due Tuesday (love it when that happens)
• start reading my child psych chapter (long but interesting)
• reorganize my daughter's dresser (my dad's cleaning lady wrecks it every time)
• clean out my bathroom (I can't find 3 of my new nail polishes... something must be done)
• do my taxes! (I hate this but it is easy)
• take medicine and get rest (yeah right!)

The Social Commitments

• therapy @ noon
• class @ 1:30 (haven't been since last Wednesday)
• get daughter to daycare
• date night with the boyfriend tonight
• St. Patty's pub crawl with the boyfriend and his friends tomorrow night (must look hot somehow)
• study group on Saturday with classmates from statistics
• family group on Saturday afternoon

The Freak Out
I don't think that I was quite ready to acknowledge every last thing that I have to do. Did it anyway. Now I am feeling slightly panicked. HOW IN THE HELL AM I EVER GOING TO GET ALL OF THAT SHIT DONE!!?!?! THAT IS AT LEAST A SOLID WEEK'S WORTH OF WORK!
*deep breath* (well, mentally... I can't quite breathe deeply at the moment)

Regardless of whether or not I was ready to look at all of the things that I need to do, all of those things were swirly around in my head. Putting them down on paper actually feels a bit better than just grasping on to thoughts as they flutter through my feverish brain.

The Resources

• my Dad
• my friends
• my boyfriend
• the whole weekend
• technology
• cold medicine

The Gameplan
Social Commitments: these are the easiest to handle thanks to the invention of text messaging

1. ask Dad to take my daughter to daycare.
2. cancel therapy.
3. email my friend to get notes from her for class.
4. ask the boyfriend for a snuggle fest with movies and take out instead of drinks for date night (he really is pretty god damn fantastic)
5. worry about tomorrow's commitments in another 10 hours

The Laundry List: these things require a bit more prioritizing and reorganization
      Self Care: let's get real, I can't do any of this until I take care of myself

1. get a few extra hours of sleep
2. take Dayquil with about a gallon of water
3. search for food (the fantastic boyfriend attempted to find a place that would deliver matzo ball   soup... no such luck... but it's the thought that counts)
4. shower (I will wait until just before I go to the boyfriend's for this one... I'm still to feverish and lazy anyway)

     Inactive Tasks: these things don't require me to do very much; but, I still need to do them

1. do laundry (I just have to sort it and cycle it through... right?)
2. get car washed (this can happen tomorrow)

     Sedentary Tasks: these things require my attention; but no movement

1. taxes (just get er done)
2. reading for counseling (ughhhhhhh)
3. reading for child psychopathology (not so pronounced uggggghhhhhhhhh)
4. statistics quiz (I have to go to campus to do this on the computer program, so it will wait until tomorrow)

     Active Tasks: these things require me to move around; but minimal cognitive abilities

1. clean out the car (this needs to happen today so that I can get it washed tomorrow)
2. reorganize my daughter's dresser (must do this before I can put away her laundry)
3. put away laundry (I hate this... it never ends)
4. clean out my bathroom (I may decide to paint my nails during the snuggle session tonight)

The End Result
I have now organized and regrouped everything that I need to do. I still feel like crap and I still feel as though I have an impossible amount of things to do. However, I have spent about forty five minutes plotting it all out. I can DO this! I know what to do and what order to do it in. It seems so much less daunting than just freaking out inside of my head.


I know that this process may seem elementary to the vast majority of you.  However, this is not an easy thing for someone to do in the early stages of recovery. It takes a whole hell of a lot of will power to silence that voice inside of your head that is screaming at you that it is all impossible and you will never get it done. She screams and screams until you give in and you slip. You end up getting nothing done and feeling awful about the episode on top of it. Worse yet, you have burned through precious time and failed to do anything but make you feel more defeated.

It is so important to take the time to figure out what you need to accomplish. At first, it will seem impossible. Yet, you will begin to feel empowered as you allow your rational side to take over. Funnel that detail oriented eating disordered self into coming up with your game plan. Remember that it doesn't have to be perfect! There will always be things that slip through the cracks and don't get done the way that you want them to. However, it is far better to at least get them done. Then, they aren't weighing so heavily upon your conscience.

Getting all of these things done will help you to feel far more comfortable in your recovered lifestyle. Let's get real here. You can't do all of this stuff when you are deep in your eating disorder. It just isn't possible. Eventually, you wear out. Sure, you can make it through a few days or even a few weeks on adrenaline alone. Unfortunately, your body will end up giving out on you and require several days to recover. Then you are back to playing catch up.

I will make no beans about this. You can NOT do the things that you want or need to do in this life if you are sick. It is NOT possible over the long term.

Granted, it isn't sunshine and rainbows living a productive life. It kind of sucks sometimes. I am not going to lie about that. Once you aren't sick anymore, you can't use it as an excuse anymore. You actually have to follow through and complete things. You can't just back out all of the time because you don't feel well. That's because you will feel just fine.

The next step of this will be long term prioritization. Once you can't back out of things, you won't get into things that you don't actually want to. I still find myself over stretching my abilities. Yet, I am getting better at telling people "no, I'm sorry; but I can't". I backed out on a research team. I told my sister that I can't afford to go on a trip. I told my boyfriend that I don't really want to go out. I told my Dad that I can't reorganize the pantry. I even asked him to do it instead. Guess what? He did ;)

I am still in the process of finding myself and my priorities. I am still finding my balance in life. I am still duking it out with my ED voice at least once a month. The point is that I am making progress. I make progress everyday. This is a very slow process. It will test every limit that you have. It will force you to come to terms with things that you don't like about yourself and your life. You will have to start making difficult decisions and letting people down. All so that you don't let yourself down.

Hang in there girl! It gets easier =D