Blech.....

So, I just re-read my blog post from yesterday and I can't seem to find the same oomph today. I feel like a pile of mush. As though I am sitting and waiting for something to happen.

I recognize that this is bullshit.

I also recognize that out of everyone in the world.... I have the least amount of need for something to happen.

The reality is that I have plenty of things to do and get involved in. I would just rather sit on the couch eating a variety of homemade snacks while I watch CNN, Food Network, Comedy Central and the Cooking Channel. I through in a pleasure induced nap just to give things some pizazzzz.

Yet, I end up spending this time angry at myself for not doing all of things that I would like to do or need to do. I am seemingly incapable of enjoying being lazy or productive at this time.

This has been going on since graduation. I have been a couch potato unless I have had to be somewhere to see someone or actually had some other time sensitive task. It is pitiful.

I need to riddle this out. I don't see my therapist until tomorrow morning so it is up to me to brain ninja myself into productivity.... because I just can't stand it when I am such a schlub.

side note: blame the crappy Yiddish on my mother's side ;)


My father likes to blame my health. Truth be told, I have the immune system of a preemie. I also have a toddler in daycare. I feel sick and rundown on a daily basis. I have had elevated Epstein-barr levels since high school. I also drink way too much caffeine and red wine. Not to mention that my toddler wakes me up in the middle of the night with: night terrors, potty needs, kicking, and/or falling into the crack between the wall and the bed. There is also the sad side-effect of having given birth to this toddler and my bladder not finding a way to recover its prior endurance over the last 3 years. The end result is that I can probably be diagnosed with chronic fatigue at the tender age of nearly 25.

Yet, I can muster myself up to do any of the following activities:

• go out to dinner with family/friends/boyfriend
• stay up late having sex and then more sex
• go on cleaning sprees for about 4 hours
• get research papers and other assignments 
• and apparently to go get my starbucks from my boyfriend who just called to cheer me up and ended up telling me that I was having a "first world problem if I ever heard one.... you're bummed out because you're bored and lazy"

grrrrrrrrrr...... I love him but I also want to choke him with his ATC headset right now....fck

I will finish this later.... while I watch him do his long distance brotherly bonding via some weird video game circa 1980 something.