After a Year of Tribulation...Comes the Trial

Some of you know, some of you don't; but, I have been going through an incredibly difficult custody dispute for the last year. This case has been incredibly draining emotionally, psychologically, and financially. I have had to go through a custody evaluation that made me doubt every aspect of my parenting abilities. This entire process has dragged on to the point where its mere mention has caused my stomach to become queasy.

Today, I got the call from my lawyer that the report had finally been issued.

My heart nearly skipped a beat when I saw the name of my lawyer on the caller i.d. I knew that the report was due to be issued any day. I just stared at the phone for a second before I finally answered.

"We got the report in today. I can't give you a copy of the report; but, I would like for you to come into the office so that we can go over it."

"Ok. Well, what does it say?"

"Essentially, it recommends you as the primary custodial parent. He gets her for the weekends and one 3hr visit during the week."

I nearly cried.


I called my daughter (whom I had just been scolding for pulling on the cat's tail... again) and gave her the biggest hug that I could muster.


It sounds strange. Yet, I needed to hear that to give myself any credit as a parent, as a mother.

This has been a nearly 4 year journey for me from self-hatred and fear of motherhood to having proof that I am a good mother. Not just proof.... A full evaluation of myself and my previous significant other from an experienced mental health professional.


I get to hear what it says in its entirety tomorrow. I know that it won't be all good. In fact, I know it will say a lot of things about me that I am not much looking forward to hearing. However, the end result is what I have needed to hear for years.


The court date is in 10 days.

*deep breath*