Houston... We Have Contact!

Drum Roll puhhhlease!


I got a job at an ED/Substance Abuse IOP!! Wooot Woot! And it is right around the corner from my new apartment!

Now, before you get tooo excited... I will not be doing any therapy work. I actually got a position as a Sales Rep. Meaning that I will be going out and talking to other healthcare professionals, schools, clinics etc about the facility. This is not my dream come true. However, I will finally feel as though I am actually having a measurable impact on the community's awareness with regards to eating disorders and treatment options.

It is about time. My 4th Discharge-Aversary is coming up next week. In fact, it may be the day that I start the job. Doo doo doo doo. 

I have been trying for the last several years to get myself to a point where I actually feel confident in entering the professional realm of eating disorder treatment. I have spent over a decade in the community as a patient. I spent the last few years trying to gradually recede from that identity so as to return in a more impactful form.

I guess you can say that I am trying to be a bit of a hungry caterpillar. I spent 7 years going around and gobbling up whatever I could find. Sometimes, I spat it out. Other times, I digested it. Finally, I had gathered enough knowledge to sustain myself throughout my transformation. I wound myself up in a cocoon of recovery and introspection. Now, I feel as though I have finally transformed all of that inner nourishment into the beautiful form of a deeply colorful butterfly. I am ready to flit about and share what I can with those who are willing to listen.

It is so remarkable to me that I am halfway to my own practice. That I am actually succeeding at taking all of the necessary steps to achieve my goal. I have finally found my lot in life. In so many ways. There is so much peace that comes with that. There is still a lot of apprehension. Mostly, there is an incredible amount of security and confidence.

I am a bit nervous about taking on a job along with a full load of courses, a new apartment, and sole responsibility of my daughter in the next month. However, I am also aware that it will not all happen at once. I start the job next week. I move into my place in 2 weeks. Which, it isn't as though I am moving to the other side of the globe. In a lot of ways, I will be much closer to my support network.  Then, I have a full month to settle in before classes start up again. It will be a bit chaotic. Thankfully, I feed off of being busy. I get so much more done with less time on my hands. There is definitely some psychology behind that.

Alas, I skipped my therapy appointment last week to take all of the kids to the zoo. She is now on vacation for 2 weeks. So, any clarification on that point will have to wait.

OH OH OH!!!

Before I forget!

I stumbled upon this great app for those of you who find that you suffer from ups and downs with regards to moods and anxiety. It even has a feature that helps you practice thought restructuring! It is a bit pricey; but, I think it is worth it. Very user friendly. It also has a built in journal and goal setter. I would warn some of you that are still struggling with behaviors to not select too many of the healthy eating tips. Remember, there are people out there who are healthy and still need some more beneficial habits. Just don't misuse the tool. Here is the link:MoodKit. My apologies to all of you who still have Crackberries or relic phones.

Moving on to other news.

I have been working off and on with my book. Just blurbs here and there that I am piecing together. Yet, that is not something that is anywhere near ready for the public. Unfortunately, it has been taking up most of my limited free time. So, I truly apologize for my absenteeism from the blogging world.

The most interesting thing about it is that I have not had the need to blog. I really have been kind of coasting when it comes to my life in recent weeks. It isn't that life hasn't been stressful. Just that it hasn't been extraordinarily so. Which, in reality, means that my coping skills have finally improved to a point that makes me capable of handling my life for weeks on end.

This has been incredibly helpful with regards to my relationship.

Sorry O, you had to know that you would pop up in here somewhere.

We have been thrust into this sudden circumstance of being what functions as a "blended family". His two boys (the Cs) got here 6 weeks ago. Add in my little one (D). And voila! We are suddenly functioning as parents of three kids between the ages of 3 and 8. Holy fuckstick batman. What happened to my life and when did it get full of mac n cheese out of the box and finding little socks everywhere!?!

The good news is that we have managed to navigate this could be crisis in a mind blowing example of compromise and modification.  I stepped up to watch them full time. I quickly realized that it would just be too much for me with school and the commuting. He got them a sitter for the days that I had school. We tried to get all of the kids to fall asleep together so that we didn't have to cook separate dinners. We quickly realized that mine was just not ready for that. We backed off and now she is begging for a couple of sleepovers.

We started feeling the lurching agony of losing our time together. Of suddenly only having the hour between their bedtime and ours to cram in any alone time. Which inevitably consisted of us vegging out and drinking wine before crawling into bed out of exhaustion. The beautiful thing about it was that there was no resentment. Nobody was mad at the other. We both did what we had to do and communicated to each other how much we missed our time. We finally got a sitter the last couple of Friday nights. One for each of us to have a boys/girls night out and the other to go out together.

This may not seem all that mind blowing to many of you. However, it is like a freaking mind warp to me! He and I haven't even been dating for 8 months and we have managed to handle what would be considered a major lifestyle change without any blowouts. We haven't bottled shit up either. It isn't like we have duct taped our mouths shut for the duration out of necessity. There have been disagreements. There is just no deep seeded resentment that must surface in a flurry of screams and tears. We actually work things out together.

How is this possible?!?!

Well, I have to give myself a huge pat on the back for losing all fears of honest communication. For actually bringing things up in a way that expresses my concerns without framing it in the context of a major issue. I have never felt safe doing that before. Not in the 8 years of relationships that I went through before now. I never trusted the way that I do with him. Security is a wonderful thing.

My daughter just peed on the floor. Guess it is time to sign off.

Peace Love Strength